I Stutter.

I'm gonna start this with a recommendation.

If you watched the Oscars this past Sunday you may have seen

Benjamin Cleary and Serena Armitage's short film "Stutterer"  win best short film.

I watched Tuesday afternoon and had to take a moment to collect myself before walking into freshman bible study.

I don't know if I've ever personally related to a film like that before.

It's incredible, and I totally recommend you watch it.

So.

 I stutter.

Stuttering is kinda a mystery.

No one really knows what causes it or how exactly to fix it.

There are techniques you can employ that can help yourself get through it,

but there's no permanent fix.

Personally, my stuttering has gotten a lot better.

Before, I struggled with three to four different "types" of stutters, 

but now it's down to one.

They're called blocks.

It's when no sound comes out and you're just kinda stuck.

The word's there, right on the tip of my tongue, but it just won't come out.

And like I said earlier, there are techniques that you can try to get around a block,

but they've never really seemed to work for me.

So I revert to one of three methods.

I either completely change my sentence,

 I rely on someone else to say the word for me,

or I just give up completely and say I forgot.

Honestly, in the grand schemes of life, it's not that big of a deal.

I'm still a functioning member of society.

To some degree at least.

Most of the time I know which word I'm gonna get caught up on before I even start the sentence,

(I have no idea how I know that before I even try the word, but I do)

and I can usually save myself before then.

But it's been really frustrating lately. 

I struggle with certain names.

Like Becky.

It's such a simple name, but half the time it just doesn't come out of my mouth.

So half the time I refer to her as "What's her face" and hope the person knows who I'm talking about.

(Sorry Becky)

I can hardly tell a solid joke anymore.

I get stuck on the word and completely mess up the comedic timing and the joke completely falls flat.

I'm honestly afraid to just talk to girls, as pathetic as that sounds.

Now once I'm comfortable around you, it'll disappear to some degree.

If I'm calm, and relaxed, I'm usually pretty okay.

But it's a totally different story if I'm stressed or nervous. 

I can't say the word syllabus for the life of me.

I can't say blood sugar which is a big problem when trying to explain 

to my teacher why I need to just sit and eat.

I even stutter over the word stutter.

Which is just ironic and a huge frustration when I'm trying to explain myself.

All this to say,

please just be patient with me.

I'll eventually catch up with myself.