The Chase

I'm chasing something that's going to save me.

But in this chase for my salvation there are so many obstacles in my path.

And one's been on my mind a lot recently.


My self worth is not defined in what others think of me.


I fell into that trap a long time ago.

In my time lost, that's all that kept me sane.

The fact that I was liked.

I was loved.


That hasn't changed.

I'm still liked.

Still loved.

But I'm not letting that define me.

It's not something I want to keep chasing.

I don't want that to be my goal,

To get someone to like me, isn't what I'm chasing after.

I'm chasing something else.

and I don't want to get lost again.

From Wanderer to Follower

I have a purpose again.

I now have something to strive towards.

But it's a purpose with a catch.

I wandered forty days and nights lost in the dark forest they call my mind.

I was lost.

But finally there's a star showing itself in the dark sky

And I've decided to follow it to it's unknown fate.

But how did I get stuck wandering in the first place.

To put it simply, I followed my feet.

I walked with my head down.

I walked with an ungrateful heart.

I walked with one simple purpose.

I never looked up.

And once I did it was way to late.

I was left with no choice but to wander.

Now I know things are going to be okay.

Even if this destination is unknown, I'm following something that will save me.

I'm no longer a wanderer.

I'm a follower.

Shambles

To put it ever so simply.

 My heart hurts. 

It's an ache that's confuses my senses, it messes with my reason.

My heart's confused.

It's this horrible distraction that I don't know how to deal with.



My heart is damaged.

It's an injury that's not easily healed.

My heart is broken.
I've put myself in a place I don't want to escape from.
The only way out of this is to break through the box that I'm trapped in.
But I can't get out without hurting this contraption that contains me.

But I have too get out.

This beautiful box will survive without a side.
It has five other sides to hold itself up.

But if I stay here much longer, I'll suffocate.

I'll suffocate under the weight that I've placed on top myself.

I won't survive much longer.

My ally is also my foe.
Time seems to be able to save me, I want it to help.

But my time's running out.

The clock is ticking. 

Every tick that passes, I hear a sound a salvation.

Only to be overrun by the droning noise of the next tock.

Time's not my ally.
Time's not my enemy.

I'm my own worst enemy.
And time just won't stop.

The Short Cry For Help.

Again and again it hits me.

I have to use technology to keep these friendships alive.

I have this love/hate relationship with Skype.

I cherish the fact that I can use it.

I love that hour or two I get to spend with these people I care about.

But the flips side?

I despise the fact that for that hour or two,

I have to use it.

Help me understand that God is using this for his glory.

Help me understand that somehow this is part of his plan.

Help me understand that it has to be this way.

Help me. 

The Week and My Quest

It hurts.

Plain and simple.

It doesn't ever stop.

It doesn't ever go away.

The week I spent with these wonderful people only brings that pain to the surface once again.

And frankly

That's all I can see right now.



But somehow, I'll find strength in this pain.

Somehow, this pain will drive me towards next time.

They're all still out there.

Looking at the same night sky that I am.

They didn't go away forever.



These people that I love,

Didn't leave me.

They're still out there somewhere.

And It's my quest to find them again.

The Wormhole I Created

 I made a wormhole.

What scientists have been trying to do,

What scientists have been trying to understand,

For decades.

I did in a matter of days.

Through this wormhole

The miles seemed to disappear.

If only for a second,

I was there.

In an instant,

 I made a connection.

Somehow,

Just for a precious moment,

For a special second,

An inconceivable instant,

The miles didn't mean anything.

Follow Your Feat

Tell me.

What's your story?

Where have you been?

Where are you now?

Where are you going?

Just tell me.

I've talked a lot about stories.
I've talked about my love of stories.
I've talked about worrying about my story.
I've talked about making stories to contain other stories.

It's something that I've come to realize is ingrained deep within me.
It's something I'm constantly thinking about.

And somehow, I didn't realize it till now.


 I think in progression.
I love the process of an idea becoming a reality.
Watching that process unfold is fascinating.

To put it another way

I think in character arcs.
Where we've been, where we're going
How have we changed, how have we not

 Where something came from, to where it is now.


If there isn't an interesting character arc then I leave it.


Why?


Because I'm bored.


There are stories everywhere we look.
In our music, our cinema, our everyday objects
Our home, our friends, our family

 Everything has a story.


Every person has a story.


So why the heck not make yours interesting?