Shambles

To put it ever so simply.

 My heart hurts. 

It's an ache that's confuses my senses, it messes with my reason.

My heart's confused.

It's this horrible distraction that I don't know how to deal with.



My heart is damaged.

It's an injury that's not easily healed.

My heart is broken.
I've put myself in a place I don't want to escape from.
The only way out of this is to break through the box that I'm trapped in.
But I can't get out without hurting this contraption that contains me.

But I have too get out.

This beautiful box will survive without a side.
It has five other sides to hold itself up.

But if I stay here much longer, I'll suffocate.

I'll suffocate under the weight that I've placed on top myself.

I won't survive much longer.

My ally is also my foe.
Time seems to be able to save me, I want it to help.

But my time's running out.

The clock is ticking. 

Every tick that passes, I hear a sound a salvation.

Only to be overrun by the droning noise of the next tock.

Time's not my ally.
Time's not my enemy.

I'm my own worst enemy.
And time just won't stop.

The Short Cry For Help.

Again and again it hits me.

I have to use technology to keep these friendships alive.

I have this love/hate relationship with Skype.

I cherish the fact that I can use it.

I love that hour or two I get to spend with these people I care about.

But the flips side?

I despise the fact that for that hour or two,

I have to use it.

Help me understand that God is using this for his glory.

Help me understand that somehow this is part of his plan.

Help me understand that it has to be this way.

Help me. 

The Week and My Quest

It hurts.

Plain and simple.

It doesn't ever stop.

It doesn't ever go away.

The week I spent with these wonderful people only brings that pain to the surface once again.

And frankly

That's all I can see right now.



But somehow, I'll find strength in this pain.

Somehow, this pain will drive me towards next time.

They're all still out there.

Looking at the same night sky that I am.

They didn't go away forever.



These people that I love,

Didn't leave me.

They're still out there somewhere.

And It's my quest to find them again.

The Wormhole I Created

 I made a wormhole.

What scientists have been trying to do,

What scientists have been trying to understand,

For decades.

I did in a matter of days.

Through this wormhole

The miles seemed to disappear.

If only for a second,

I was there.

In an instant,

 I made a connection.

Somehow,

Just for a precious moment,

For a special second,

An inconceivable instant,

The miles didn't mean anything.

Follow Your Feat

Tell me.

What's your story?

Where have you been?

Where are you now?

Where are you going?

Just tell me.

I've talked a lot about stories.
I've talked about my love of stories.
I've talked about worrying about my story.
I've talked about making stories to contain other stories.

It's something that I've come to realize is ingrained deep within me.
It's something I'm constantly thinking about.

And somehow, I didn't realize it till now.


 I think in progression.
I love the process of an idea becoming a reality.
Watching that process unfold is fascinating.

To put it another way

I think in character arcs.
Where we've been, where we're going
How have we changed, how have we not

 Where something came from, to where it is now.


If there isn't an interesting character arc then I leave it.


Why?


Because I'm bored.


There are stories everywhere we look.
In our music, our cinema, our everyday objects
Our home, our friends, our family

 Everything has a story.


Every person has a story.


So why the heck not make yours interesting?

Time Within Time

"I guess it comes down to a simple choice."

Time.



It's the most precious resource we have.

Yet...at the same time...the most wasted.



Time implies change.

Things decay. People grow.

Time doesn't leave anything alone.

It all changes.

Time
 ...

quite simply

...

ruins things.

Time is scary.

For that reason and others.

 The upcoming.

and

 The distant.

I've got college in less than a year.

Nine months to be exact.

I've got a relationship that could take six years to even get anywhere.
Seventy two months to be exact.

9 months is so close.
6 years is so far.

It's frightening.

Time.

It's the most precious resource we have.

Yet...at the same time...the most wasted.

The most wasted.

Time implies change.

Things decay. People grow.

Time doesn't leave anything alone.

It all changes.

But isn't that kind of exciting?

I look back and I'm glad to have grown.

Even from 3 years ago.

My awkward, 14 year old self.

 Thank goodness I've grown.

Time
 ...

quite simply

...

ruins things.
...
Yet
...
Time
...

quite simply
...
creates things.

 Time is exciting.

The upcoming.

and

 The distant.


I've got college in less than a year.

Nine months to be exact.

 I've got a relationship that could take six years to even get anywhere.

Seventy two months to be exact.

 The things I could do in 9 months.

The things I could do in 6 years.



It's exhilarating.

I guess it does come down to a simple choice.

It's time to

"Get busy living or get busy dying."

For the Rest of You.

How do I stay sane?

Hm. 

Better question.

Do I stay sane?

I think I've established that online friends

are just as important as real life friends.

If not.
Then I'm an awful writer, or you're flat-out blind.

Lately that's been my main focus.
The people that live hundreds to thousands of miles away.
I've been trying my hardest to keep those.

Why?

Because it takes hard work to keep those.

A good friend of mine told me this once

"Well. I think being in the situation that we are all are, we have an added appreciation and value for our friendships. They aren't just flippant and east convenience relationships. They require effort and time and dedication, perhaps more than in person, because of how difficult they actually are. It sucks to have all your friends live hundreds to thousands of miles away from you. It really sucks to miss people. But in order to maintain those friendships you have to learn how to be dedicated."

But I've been dedicated to a fault.

Dedicated to a point where I've forgotten my great friends here.
I haven't put effort into those friendships.

I haven't wanted to put effort into those friendships.

I've got one of the best youth groups, and youth directors, one could ask for.

I'm hurting myself not putting effort there.

Because let's be honest here.

These guys keep me sane.

These are the people I can do things that I can't do with the everyone else.

These are the people that involved in my life.

These are the people that bring me balance.

Do I stay sane?

I'll leave that up to you.

How do I stay sane?

By being with my friends here.

Thanks guys for keeping me sane.