The Wormhole I Created

 I made a wormhole.

What scientists have been trying to do,

What scientists have been trying to understand,

For decades.

I did in a matter of days.

Through this wormhole

The miles seemed to disappear.

If only for a second,

I was there.

In an instant,

 I made a connection.

Somehow,

Just for a precious moment,

For a special second,

An inconceivable instant,

The miles didn't mean anything.

Follow Your Feat

Tell me.

What's your story?

Where have you been?

Where are you now?

Where are you going?

Just tell me.

I've talked a lot about stories.
I've talked about my love of stories.
I've talked about worrying about my story.
I've talked about making stories to contain other stories.

It's something that I've come to realize is ingrained deep within me.
It's something I'm constantly thinking about.

And somehow, I didn't realize it till now.


 I think in progression.
I love the process of an idea becoming a reality.
Watching that process unfold is fascinating.

To put it another way

I think in character arcs.
Where we've been, where we're going
How have we changed, how have we not

 Where something came from, to where it is now.


If there isn't an interesting character arc then I leave it.


Why?


Because I'm bored.


There are stories everywhere we look.
In our music, our cinema, our everyday objects
Our home, our friends, our family

 Everything has a story.


Every person has a story.


So why the heck not make yours interesting?

Time Within Time

"I guess it comes down to a simple choice."

Time.



It's the most precious resource we have.

Yet...at the same time...the most wasted.



Time implies change.

Things decay. People grow.

Time doesn't leave anything alone.

It all changes.

Time
 ...

quite simply

...

ruins things.

Time is scary.

For that reason and others.

 The upcoming.

and

 The distant.

I've got college in less than a year.

Nine months to be exact.

I've got a relationship that could take six years to even get anywhere.
Seventy two months to be exact.

9 months is so close.
6 years is so far.

It's frightening.

Time.

It's the most precious resource we have.

Yet...at the same time...the most wasted.

The most wasted.

Time implies change.

Things decay. People grow.

Time doesn't leave anything alone.

It all changes.

But isn't that kind of exciting?

I look back and I'm glad to have grown.

Even from 3 years ago.

My awkward, 14 year old self.

 Thank goodness I've grown.

Time
 ...

quite simply

...

ruins things.
...
Yet
...
Time
...

quite simply
...
creates things.

 Time is exciting.

The upcoming.

and

 The distant.


I've got college in less than a year.

Nine months to be exact.

 I've got a relationship that could take six years to even get anywhere.

Seventy two months to be exact.

 The things I could do in 9 months.

The things I could do in 6 years.



It's exhilarating.

I guess it does come down to a simple choice.

It's time to

"Get busy living or get busy dying."

For the Rest of You.

How do I stay sane?

Hm. 

Better question.

Do I stay sane?

I think I've established that online friends

are just as important as real life friends.

If not.
Then I'm an awful writer, or you're flat-out blind.

Lately that's been my main focus.
The people that live hundreds to thousands of miles away.
I've been trying my hardest to keep those.

Why?

Because it takes hard work to keep those.

A good friend of mine told me this once

"Well. I think being in the situation that we are all are, we have an added appreciation and value for our friendships. They aren't just flippant and east convenience relationships. They require effort and time and dedication, perhaps more than in person, because of how difficult they actually are. It sucks to have all your friends live hundreds to thousands of miles away from you. It really sucks to miss people. But in order to maintain those friendships you have to learn how to be dedicated."

But I've been dedicated to a fault.

Dedicated to a point where I've forgotten my great friends here.
I haven't put effort into those friendships.

I haven't wanted to put effort into those friendships.

I've got one of the best youth groups, and youth directors, one could ask for.

I'm hurting myself not putting effort there.

Because let's be honest here.

These guys keep me sane.

These are the people I can do things that I can't do with the everyone else.

These are the people that involved in my life.

These are the people that bring me balance.

Do I stay sane?

I'll leave that up to you.

How do I stay sane?

By being with my friends here.

Thanks guys for keeping me sane.

Pretending To Live.

Let's start with a song.

"'Cause you've found a way to go on for days, 

pretending to live.
But you are not ok, with all of that weight, 

you need to give up

Come now just let it go, 

let it fall down, let it all flow like
The water that's rushing in over your soul 'til there's nothing left
Won't you come to me and rest?"

"Rest"
by Nevertheless

Yeah it sucks.

I've talked about it all before.
The distance. The dreams. The days left.

Add to that the pressure of

senior year, graduation, college.

It's a lot.

Sometimes too much.

But I'm not here to write about that.


Not this time.

I was pointed to this verse by a great friend of mine a couple days ago.

Proverbs 17:22
"A joyful heart is good medicine,
    but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

And a couple days ago, I took a mental shift.

And y'all.

 

I have so much to be joyful for.

 

I get to have the greatest friends in the world.
I get the ability to dream, to have crazy ambitions.
I get to spend the next 215 days in eager anticipation.
I get to take some of the craziest classes my senior year.
I get to graduate from one of the best schools out there.
I get to go college.
 

Sure.
There are times to be sad,
Times where it's too much.

Times where I wish I could visit my people.

But there are times to be joyful.
Times where I'm beyond happy.
Times where I can't WAIT to see my people.

 

What do I need to keep on pretending to live?

Joy.

 And I think I've found it.

You Dream.

What do you do when you miss someone more than words.

You dream.

 

Dream of staying up late at night talking about anything.

Talking about everything.
Just..... talking.

Face to face.

Dream of sitting around a fire

during the cold winter months.

Sharing junk food and Dr Pepper.

Dream of spending a day together.

Doing whatever comes to mind.

Doing it together.

Dream of taking a drive to the middle of nowhere.

Blasting music from a playlist of songs

that you both know by heart.

Dream of taking a hike in the mountains.

To a spot perfectly created for a picnic.

You dream of being together.

"I - I know it's all inside my head
I know i'm just like everyone said
That I'm as stable in my mind
As a burning house with time
But for the record you reminded me
Reminded me I'm not here alone
You took my hand before you took me home
And the shivers down my spine
Were like frozen frames in time
Out of a corner in my mind

 But I'm a monster of affection
And you're my beautiful addiction
So lie to me and tell me how
I'm okay, it's just for now
It's just for now"

So I'll keep dreaming.
But just for now.

The Distance Is Worth It.

7 hours, 31 minutes, 460 miles.

Perry, GA

7 hours, 54 minutes, 465 miles.

Magnolia, TX

14 hours, 56 minutes, 996 miles.

Leesburg, VA

23 hours, 17 minutes, 1,516 miles.

 South Burlington, VT.

28 hours, 1,881 miles.

Ventura, CA

30 hours, 2,058 miles.

Modesto, CA

...

One thing invades my mind when I read these numbers.

Despair.

I'd never done the research till today. 

I was curious.

"Maybe..."
I let myself succumb to that dreadful thought. 

I've brought up this subject before.

And I've beat this subject over the head multiple times.

But it's something that continues to rear it's ugly head.

And I just can't find a cure.

But I came to realize something recently.

I'm a pretty lucky guy.

Lucky enough to have friends that are worth the distance.

If they weren't worth it, I wouldn't put myself through this.
I'd just say,

"It's too much. I'll let them go and feel better."

But that's not the case.



I'm lucky enough to say I have friends who

live all around the world.

I'm lucky enough to say that I have friends who

I can talk to.

I'm lucky enough to say I have friends who

I care about.



And for that, I'm willing to put up with the distance.
For that, I'm willing to take a day and wallow in that despair.
For that, I'm willing to accept that there isn't a cure.

 Thanks guys.

Thanks for making the distance worth it.



"I meant what I said and I said what I meant.
A friend is faithful, one-hundred percent."
Dr. Seuss