Faking Hero

Part 2.

The problem with putting down this mask that I've put on,

is that I always wanted to wear the mask in the first place.

I sit here and think,

"Collin, you strive to be the hero. You strive to be the bigger man.

You strive to be the good guy."

I hate that I'm angry.

Hero's aren't angry.

The worst part about it all, is that I don't feel like I have anything to be angry about.

How am I to expect a city to respond to me?

I have no control over it.

Gotham is Gotham.

And Gotham thinks and feels whatever Gotham wants too.

How can I be angry at its subjective choice?

There's no objective right or wrong here.

So why am I so angry that Gotham hasn't chosen me to be its hero?

Because I feel entitled.

I've done so much for this city, that I feel that I deserve to be the one it looks up to.

To love me as much as I love it.

I want to be Gotham's one and only hero.

And for that reason,

Gotham doesn't deserve me.

Playing Hero

Part 1.

I'm tired of playing the hero.

I feel like Batman.

His ever recurring struggle to keep Gotham safe.

No matter what he does,

there's always another villain,

always another code red.

There's never any rest.

I'm tired of watching out for Gotham, when Gotham doesn't watch out for me.

I'm right there right now.

I feel battered and bruised.

I feel sick, and I feel tired, and I'm angry.

For the first time, I'm angry.

For the first time in my relationship with this city I love,

I'm angry at it.

It never responds to anything I do.

It feels cold, and dark, and distant.

I can't win.

No matter how hard I try,

no matter how many villains I lock away,

no matter how many times I tell myself I'm doing this for the right reasons,

no matter how many times I power through,

it won't fix the heart of the problem.

The heart of the problem is this.

I'm in love with a city that doesn't love me back.

And I'm tired of playing its hero.

Music and HARDLOVE

Let's talk about music for a second.

I think music is one of the most powerful forms of art we interact with.

It's an instant mood changer. From good to bad, or bad to good. 

Maybe from good to great, or bad to worse.

For me, the biggest part of that, that change factor are the lyrics.

What sets a song that I love apart from one that I just like to dance too are those lyrics.

It used to be purely musical.

If it had a good beat and was fun to sing, I was all about it.

Don't get me wrong, I have a few guilty pleasure pop songs that I love to jam too.

But my favorite songs, and consequently my favorite bands, are those who can combine really solid storytelling and good music.

All that being said.

Needtobreathe dropped a new album today that I've had on repeat all day.

 I love it musically. Classic Needtobreathe with a great new sound.

It's incredibly fun.

But lyrically?

I find it equally as satisfying.

I decided to sit through the album and share some of my favorite lyric:

 

"It's gon' hurt, but don't you slow down
Get back up, 'cause it's a hard love"

"But everybody's got a price, I guess
It's even lower than you think it is"

"I got dreams that keep me up in the dead of night
Telling me I wasn't made for the simple life"

"I know you found the promise land
But I'm still here and I'm missing you"

"But we don't get to be here long"

"Into the wild, canyons of youth
Oh, there's a world to fall into
We just will dance like kids on the moon
Oh, I will give myself to you
As soon as you start to let go"

"Give me your heart, give me your song
Sing it with all your might
Come to the fountain and you can be satisfied"

"You're the steady hands of a ticking clock that I'll come to rely on"

"I promise I won't let you down
Honey, it's so clear now"