Shambles

To put it ever so simply.

 My heart hurts. 

It's an ache that's confuses my senses, it messes with my reason.

My heart's confused.

It's this horrible distraction that I don't know how to deal with.



My heart is damaged.

It's an injury that's not easily healed.

My heart is broken.
I've put myself in a place I don't want to escape from.
The only way out of this is to break through the box that I'm trapped in.
But I can't get out without hurting this contraption that contains me.

But I have too get out.

This beautiful box will survive without a side.
It has five other sides to hold itself up.

But if I stay here much longer, I'll suffocate.

I'll suffocate under the weight that I've placed on top myself.

I won't survive much longer.

My ally is also my foe.
Time seems to be able to save me, I want it to help.

But my time's running out.

The clock is ticking. 

Every tick that passes, I hear a sound a salvation.

Only to be overrun by the droning noise of the next tock.

Time's not my ally.
Time's not my enemy.

I'm my own worst enemy.
And time just won't stop.

The Short Cry For Help.

Again and again it hits me.

I have to use technology to keep these friendships alive.

I have this love/hate relationship with Skype.

I cherish the fact that I can use it.

I love that hour or two I get to spend with these people I care about.

But the flips side?

I despise the fact that for that hour or two,

I have to use it.

Help me understand that God is using this for his glory.

Help me understand that somehow this is part of his plan.

Help me understand that it has to be this way.

Help me. 

The Week and My Quest

It hurts.

Plain and simple.

It doesn't ever stop.

It doesn't ever go away.

The week I spent with these wonderful people only brings that pain to the surface once again.

And frankly

That's all I can see right now.



But somehow, I'll find strength in this pain.

Somehow, this pain will drive me towards next time.

They're all still out there.

Looking at the same night sky that I am.

They didn't go away forever.



These people that I love,

Didn't leave me.

They're still out there somewhere.

And It's my quest to find them again.